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White Space from Grief and Change

IAD to Austin, TX. I’m in the white space. It’s quieter here than I expected. Two things have pushed me here, one willingly, the other not. The unwillingness was the death of my 19-year cat last week. This has hit me harder than I expected. I literally sobbed off and on for almost two days for the first time since I can remember. It’s so quiet at home. At the intersection of life, death and memory is grief. I can already feel my sharp, contemporary recollection of her beginning to fade into a memory. There is less color, less texture there, and also, less pain. Though there is pain in the transformation from her, into a memory of her. I don’t want it to happen, but I do. I don’t want to forget any of the little things, and then, on top of that, I feel my grief is a little silly when I read about the deaths of parents, siblings, and other close family members on social media. I suppose though, grief is grief and doesn’t in the end distinguish, or delineate as much as the logical mind may think it should.

The willing push is on the professional front. Positive changes and exciting hires in my real estate businesses are quickly bringing my overall time focused on the real estate business down considerably. Almost as long as my cat was alive I’ve focused all my time and attention on building my real estate enterprise. I’m now able to refine my activities to a smaller grouping of high value activities that does not encompass the 60+ hours a week I’m used to working. So, all of a sudden, I’m finding myself with a lot of, well, white space.

Financially, we’re good. Not private island good. But good. And so, at 41 I’m starting to ask some questions about what I want to create going forward. I’m a creator, an entrepreneur, a hard charger, type A, etc. It’s not in my DNA to sit still for very long. Frankly, I’m already getting antsy as I see my schedule clear out. My initial reaction is to get to work. This is deeply rooted in my programming, and so I booked a number of speaking and teaching opportunities in the coming months, which I’m excited about. Though then I started to ask myself the question, what am I really doing here?

So, I’ve decided I’m on a listening tour. I want to know how I can serve. How can I help? I suppose what I’m trying to answer is what does the world need right now, and need from me? In the coming months I’ll be listening.

Oprah said it best when she said, “Everybody comes to the planet with your own dream. You want to lean into what life’s dream is for you. You have your dream for life, but life has a dream for you. That which created you, molded you, made you, made you possible here on the planet earth, has a dream for you. And by whatever name you call that, lean into the dream that has already been dreamed for you then you have to dream no more you just lean into the dream.”

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